Mr. Schamberger’s Sunglasses Leave His Head, Start Boy Band With Other Faculty Shades

Andrew Jacobs ’18

Mr. Schamberger’s sunglasses fled his head this weekend, sources say.

The sunglasses, a pair of unidentified off-brand Oakleys, were seen making their way out of the Walker Building and towards Mr. Schamberger’s Jeep.

“They were sort of scuttling along the ground in the parking lot,” said a fourth former who witnessed the escape from his room. “They approached the Jeep and somehow hopped up through the driver’s side window.”

The Jeep was last seen leaving campus out of the front entrance, where it recklessly drove around the wrong side of the guardhouse.

A police report was filed and stated that the Jeep’s whereabouts were unknown as of Sunday morning.

However, Mr. Schamberger’s sunglasses were found in New York where, in an interview with Rolling Stone, it announced the formation of a new band: “The Shades.” At the release party for the band’s first album, “Unorthodox Pedagogy,” Mr. Schamberger’s sunglasses revealed that they will take on the role of lead vocalist while Mr. Blain’s Wayfarers will play the bass, Mr. Mills’ Natives will play the guitar, and Mr. Born’s Oakleys will be on the drums.

The band has released its debut single “Visualizer Blues” ahead of its much anticipated tour, “Obscure Liberal Arts School,” which kicks off at Madison Square Garden next week.


Categories: Humor