Humor

What’s in Santa’s Sack for the Senior Class?

Edward Solms ’18 and Company



Saeed Abokor – Official UN recognition of Somaliland
 
Clayton Astore- A successful youtube channel
 
Sam Baker- Spanish Tinder

Ethan Barbour- The lead role already
 
Baron Becker- Igloo
 
Kyle Bilodeau- One more year
 
Coleman Bishop- Peace and quiet
 
Ward Bissell- Fluid Movement
 
William Bolton- Doggo
 
Mac Boney- Sleiman
 
Max Bozymski- Coach Gay’s respect
 
Noah Bradshaw- Better selfie lighting and more snapchat filters
 
Jeb Brinkley- Mane and tale
 
Dean Browning- A 36 and a bionic hand to punch cooper with
 
William Bryant- Phillip William’s letterman
 
Branson Chase- All prep
 
Braxton Clark- Communist Manifesto
 
Cartttttter Crosland- A forged Dallas birth certificate
 
Jack Curtice- For his mom to realise Nirvana is not a phase
 
Sam Deal- Toes
 
Spencer Dearborn- Caffeine pills
 
Michael Deng- Hot wooter
 
Lee Dudley- Jelly for his PB&J and a watchable highlight reel
 
Gus Dupree- Some bodyweight

Luke Durham- Ice Cream!
 
Jake Edwards- A lock on his door

Chuksi Emuwa- He already took it

Hank Feng – For the world to go green
 
Chase Francis- Khalid’s respect
 
Gunby Garrard- Something new to obsess over
 
Gray Hathaway- A new twig, brah
 
James Henckel von Donnersmarck- hammerschwanz

Cameron Hill- For Tom’s to be accepted as a dress shoe
 
Jack Hollon- A loaf of bread
 
Sam Hull- A shower
 
Crawford Humphreys- memes
 
Trip Hurley- Starbucks gift card and Uggs
 
Judson Innes- 27 Mulligans
 
Andrew Jacobs- Respect from his hall
 
Spoon Jacobs- Karate Lessons from JJ
 
Conn Jannerbo- A parkinson’s spoon
 
Wells Japhet- Mtn Dew and cowboy killers

Max Johns- Coal
 
Catesby Jones- Nair

William Jordan- Mtn Bike
 
Kyle Kauffman- A pole
 
Will Keller- To be cast for the role of Megamind
 
JJ Kim- Proof of Japanese citizenship
 
Sean Kim- An alarm clock
 
Kevin Kwag- Calves
 
Drew Kwon- A definitive stool sample result from UVA
 
Jackie Lee -More laxative gummy bears
 
David Li- Invisibility cloak
 
Edward Lindner- Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever cure
 
Will Long- An audience at squash matches
 
Myles Malone- A fourth leg
 
Warren Matthews- A weekend with Nick Saban
 
Robert Matz- Febreeze and lysol for Wells’ funk
 
Will McGonigle- Something a jerk would want
 
Ellis McKay- For Hale to leave him alone
 
Rob Neill- Santa’s Sack
 
Stephen Pappas- Puberty
 
Will Parker- D-work
 
Henry Perry- A new Rover
 
Campbell Petty- A muzzle
 
Dominic Pinion- Formuoli
 
Scott Pittman- A key to tisch’s room
 
Charles Purrington- Caveman repellant
 
Christopher Rex- For PF to be officially recognised as a varsity sport
 
William Rich- A filter
 
Trace Richard- A new controller
 
Mason Roberts – A “lil” before his name
 
Putnam Roberts – High heels for men
 
Robert Roh – Happiness
 
Edward Sackey- For rich to move out

 Warren Scott – Khalid’s plus one to Harvard
 
George Shriver- Gum remover for his pants

William Shuford- That bacon egg and cheese bagel behind his dresser
 
Caleb Simmons- Some camo
 
Woodson Smith- 1st base
 
Edward Solms- To live up to his older brother
 
Jackson Sompayrac- For people to care about the House D Prefect
 
Brenden Stakem- A new bike
 
Jack Starr- Chris and Boz
 
Josh Staufenberg – A white collar job, decent house, and 2.5 kids
 
Jack Stone – Concern for self-image
 
Willie Sturgis- Some gnar
 
Khalid Thomas- To get the heck out of here

Reece Tilgner- A climbing wall in Dowd House
 
Noel Turlington- A working body
 
Kent Walker- A positive attitude
 
Guy Wall- A tree that hugs back
 
Will Wallace- A “quality” girl

Benjamin Weaver- Jack’s approval

 Ian Weinberg- A new offer so he can decommit again

 Will Wideman- A voice that matches his athleticism

 Cooper Willis- Some pre

 Jameel Wilson- A fund for the victims of his ankle breaking

Categories: Humor